10 Quick Tips for Looking Your Best for Dating: A Guide for People Who Aren't Used to Thinking About Their Appearance
This is an area I need to be direct about: how you look on a first date affects whether someone will want a second date. I know this might be frustrating, especially since deep relationships are built on personality. But in early dating, people make quick decisions based on limited information, and your appearance is part of that information.
This guide is written specifically for people who don't typically focus on their appearance but want some practical advice for dating situations. Think of it as a helpful checklist to make sure you have all your bases covered. It is intended to be 100% judgement free. Not all of these tips will matter to everyone you go on a date with, but most of them will matter to most people.
There's an XKCD comic about how every day, 10,000 people learn something that seems "common knowledge" to everyone else. Maybe you already know everything in this list, or maybe there are a few things you haven't considered before. If this article isn't relevant to you, I hope you'll check out my other articles that cover different aspects of dating and relationships.
A Quick Note
If you're neurodivergent, thinking about your appearance might feel especially challenging. Maybe you hyperfocus on work or other interests and forget about grooming routines. Maybe certain textures or sensations make some of these tasks difficult. Maybe no one ever explicitly taught you these social expectations. All of that makes complete sense, and this guide acknowledges those realities.
The 10 Tips
1. Get Serious About Oral Hygiene and Deodorant
Why: Bad breath and body odor will end a date quickly.
This is not optional: you need to brush your teeth twice a day and apply deodorant every morning. If you sometimes forget these basics, put a reminder by your keys or set a phone alert. You can also leave a note on your door. If you’re prone to forgetting, consider keeping a mini deodorant and travel toothbrush kit in whatever bag you carry; you can find these in the travel section of most convenience stores and pharmacies.
(Strange trivia fact: meta-analyses suggest that young adult women, on average, have a better sense of smell than same-age men. Apply this to your dating life as you see fit.)
Pro-tip for sensory issues — if you struggle with brushing and deodorant due to an unpleasant sensation, there are options. If the toothbrush feels bad in your mouth, you may want to consider purchasing a soft bristled toothbrush or an electric toothbrush. If the mint taste bothers you, you can purchase differently flavored children’s toothpaste in the drugstore or unflavored toothpaste online. If the feeling of deodorant is uncomfortable, there are different types (roll-on, spray, wipes, unscented) that you can experiment with. Give yourself permission to find what works for you, even if it’s not the same as everyone else.
2. Check Your Mouth Right Before a Date
Why: Food particles and bad breath are distracting.
If you're meeting someone after work or after eating, take a moment to refresh your mouth hygiene. You can brush your teeth if that's convenient, or try swishing with a breath freshener for 15-30 seconds. I'm particularly fond of TheraBreath mini bottles you can find in the travel section at CVS—I think they're the most effective at preventing bad breath.
3. Time Your Shower So Your Hair is Dry
Why: Wet, oily, or sweaty hair looks unkempt.
Make sure you've showered recently, but plan it so your hair is completely dry by the time you meet your date. This varies depending on your hair type, but your hair shouldn't appear oily or sweaty. If you're not sure how your hair looks, ask a trusted friend or family member for honest feedback.
4. Do a Quick Bathroom Check Before Your Date
Why: Small issues are easy to fix but noticeable if you don't.
Stop in the bathroom to give yourself a once-over before meeting your date:
Smooth or brush your hair, especially if it's been messed up by a helmet or mask
Check that there's nothing stuck in your teeth
Make sure you don't have any visible boogers—tip your head up and look from below
5. Plan for Your Sweat Level
Why: Being able to smell someone from across the table is unpleasant.
If it's hot outside, you have to bike to your date, or you know you'll get sweaty for any reason, plan accordingly. Show up 15 minutes early with a clean shirt to change into, and reapply deodorant after heavy sweating.
On particularly hot days or for longer distances, consider taking public transit or finding another way to get there. Remember, you only get one first impression!
6. Make Sure Your Clothes Are Clean and in Good Condition
Why: Damaged or dirty clothes suggest you don't take care of your hygiene.
Check for holes or stains before you leave. For shirts, pay special attention to the neck, armholes, and bottom hem. For pants, check the crotch and knees. These are common trouble spots that are easy to miss.
Your clothes should be freshly washed: you can usually wear jeans a few times, but t-shirts are a one-and-done deal. Give your clean laundry a good sniff to make sure it doesn’t smell musty. If you don’t dry it quickly enough, it can develop mildew, especially in the summer.
If it’s helpful, have one or two “date outfits” that you are confident in. Ask a trusted friend or relative for help if you are unsure.
7. Ensure Your Clothes Fit Correctly
Why: Ill-fitting clothes are distracting.
This is crucial: shirts need to cover your stomach whether you're sitting or standing. If your shirt rides up, you need a larger size (or potentially a "tall" size). Pants should cover your butt crack even when you bend over—if they don't, you need a belt or tighter pants.
8. Pay Attention to Your Nails
Why: Dirty or overgrown nails suggest poor hygiene.
Your nails should be neatly trimmed and clean. Scrub under your nails before a date. There shouldn't be any visible dirt. This is one of those details that people notice more than you might think!
9. Address Dandruff if You Have It
Why: Visible flakes on your shoulders are distracting.
If you have noticeable dandruff, pick up a dandruff shampoo from the drugstore and use it consistently. If it doesn't clear up after a few weeks of regular use, it's worth talking to your doctor—there are plenty of low-cost treatments available that can help.
10. Keep Facial Hair Clean and Groomed
Why: Unkempt facial hair looks messy.
Whatever your facial hair situation looks like, make sure it's clean and well-maintained. And here's one that's easy to forget: check your nose hair. Make sure it's neatly trimmed so nothing is visible.
The Point of All This
None of this is about becoming a different person. It's about removing distractions so your date can focus on your personality and conversation. When you know you look clean and put-together, you can relax and be yourself instead of worrying about whether something is wrong with your appearance.
Start small if this feels overwhelming. Pick two or three things from this list that feel most relevant to your situation and work on making them habits. You don't need to overhaul your entire routine overnight—just focus on presenting the best version of yourself.
Want more dating advice tailored specifically for people in tech and neurodiverse individuals? Check out my other articles for deeper dives into communication, navigating dating apps, and building genuine connections.
